changes

I will be strong....I will continue to go on.....sometimes a huge change in life comes at you when you least expect it and in my case.....I am not sure if I brought it on or if it was something else. All I know is that at the time it was so confusing and it seemed terrible....then I met this person....and it changed me for the better and he helped me change my life in ways that I didn't think I was ready to do, but he helped me do it....but now I have yet another problem....now I fell for this guy....and now it is a whole new person I have to be ready to loose if things don't work out...and I think about him everyday....and the games start to be played as usual...do I call...or not call? or should I show up where I know he is with my friends...or is that stalker like even if it is out at the bars? All I know....is that he has made me the happiest I have been in two years and I didn't want to like someone new...I didn't .....I just wanted to be free of my other situation...be 21....be an independent woman......be strong...have more friends....I wasn't expecting to fall for someone else...and now it is taking over my life....honestly....he is all I think about sometimes...and I long for the next time we will hang out...and I get butterflies in my stomach and the whole world stops when he calls my phone....but I feel like I can't be like this.....this is crazy!!! you just got out of a serious relationship.....he did too...he is graduating...moving home...why can't you just be happy with how it is and see how it goes? Why do I have to know what "we are"? urrg.....I just wish I knew how he really felt...but I am too scared to ask him and push him away .....uhh.....gosh I didn't have to go through this crap for the last two or three years...and I used to admire or wish I was sometimes just for the excitement...but now..i almost would rather not have anybody at all to think this way about...that way my heart and mind could get some rest.......confused....but soooo in L _ _ _? who knows...maybe I should just try and forget about him so I don't hurt....I can't handle getting hurt again....not now..why do I always feel like the whole world is stronger than me? Why can't I just "be" like everyone else....why do I have to care so much? Why am I always moving on to the next stage in my life and looking back and saying, "wow, I went through alot"...can't I ever look back and be like..."yeah...life was good then...or.....yeah life is completely awesome right now" I mean..not to say that I am